One Week

A week can do many wonders. Babies are born. Flowers bloom. Stars are created and destroyed.


But it hasn't made my feelings go away.

The Beach

Sunday, at the beach. Families having picnics, parents with toddlers in tow, people with the most adorable dogs on leashes. Laughter and smiles on many faces, no gloomy frowns in sight. Does the beach make a person happy? Or is the beach only for happy people?


And there's me. Sweaty, huffing and puffing away, trying to look not at all tired as I drag my feet on a run.


Maybe the beach can bring me some happiness, but I'm still waiting. For now, a run at the beach might help me sweat my worries out my pores.

Handkerchief anyone?

D and K both agreed that my blog is depressing. Well, when so many things have happened in the past few months, it isn't that easy to smile. But I guess no harm in trying.


About 4 months ago, my cousin's wife passed away. Looking at her young daughter, it made me feel worse. Thinking about still hurts.


Then came the realisation of my career. Thinking about where I want to be in the next 5 years. Guess I've more or less made up my mind about that one.


And last month, my uncle passed away from cancer. He lived a hard life. Shall not go too much into that.

Now, 2 of my close family friends have been diagnosed as having cancer. And nothing much can be done to help them.


And not to mention the roller-coaster ride that is called love. Ups and downs and turn arounds. Still turning myself dizzy.


So, guess all these have a compounding effect. But life goes on.


How hard is it to smile now? Very.


But what the heck. =)

It hurts

Is the world dead to me? Or am I dead to the world?
Numb to the pain? Or has the pain not set in yet?

The Thinker?

Maybe I think too much. But when what you see tears you up inside, it's hard to even think.

Life, as we know it.

The path ahead, that dark gloomy hopeless path, never looked so long before. The branches swung low, even the claws of the earth want a piece of this vile vermin. My feet felt heavy, like boulders being dragged in the dirt.


I made my mistakes, filled up the quota, unknowingly. But now, there is no where for the condemned to run. How did it end up this way? How could this happen to me?


Why does hello seem like goodbye?

Here we go again

Deja vu. Like a nightmare happening all over again. The sick, retching feeling that drives vomitus back in your stomach. The silence that screams in your ears. The blinding darkness that forces your eyes shut. The lifeless room that is just too crowded, with horrors past, with demons forgotten.


A whimpering, simpering fool. Again. A fool that never learns, that still does not understand his place in the world, his purpose in life.


It's not your fault. I never have blamed you. I never will.

A smile to hide a hurting heart.

A false simper, a masquerade of masks,
A flurry of jokes, a scene of moronic acts.
You smile, sometimes laugh,
At my litany of comical encounters.


Prince of clowns,
Or a clown prince,
Is all I'll ever be.


Does sentimental love still exist? In a world plagued with social botherations, where couples cohabitate without any intention of getting married, where fornication occurs for the sole purpose of lust, where a partner may bound for greener pastures without regard for the other, where power and beauty have been raised on a pedestal and worshipped, is there still place for love?


When simple acts demonstrate more than any diamond could, when simple sacrifices shout out those three magical words, when giving your heart means more than any gift. And when you say "I do", you mean it.


Is love still sacred? To me, it is.

I wonder..

When my shelf life will run out. Then this old box of cereals will have to be discarded.


Heard this somewhere:

Want me for what I am, not what I do.
Love me because you do, not because I love you.
Be with me because you need to, not because you want to.

Lost

In an imaginary world of make belief. With sheets over my eyes, living in a delusional realm. A fictional world of love. Roaming the streets of red roses, romance filling the air with its sweet sickening stench.


It's time to wake up you fool. There is no such place. And even if there is, you do not belong there.